I’m not a gypsy

The last few weeks have been pretty huge in our lives.  We quit our jobs, packed up our home, said good-bye to all our friends in Australia, sold most of our possessions, shipped some of them and are currently in New Zealand staying with my family as we make our way towards our new home in Colorado.  We have at least a months stay in New Hampshire with Eliot’s family prior to making our way south and west via North Carolina.  We have only been away from Australia for 10 days but I have realised something already, I need somewhere to call home.

Last night at about 3am, Grace had a nightmare and came in to our room crying.  It took some time to settle her down, we had to sit with her in the bathroom because there was no where else in the house we could take her without waking someone up.  Monty was in our room, my mother was on the pull-out couch in the living room and all the other rooms were full with my sister’s family.  We finally settled her and pulled her into our bed.  As she was cuddling up to me, drifting off to sleep, she said ‘Mumma, I want to go home’.  It broke my heart.  It is not the first time she has said this and as I had previously, I told her that our old home is not ours anymore, it was empty and we were going to our new home after a big holiday.

This morning when the kids all woke up I was again put in a situation where I had no where to go.  All the adults were sleeping so I ended up sitting on the floor in my nephew’s room watching the kids.  I felt trapped.

I also know I have not exercised enough or eaten well since we started packing up to leave which for me can exacerbate any emotional issues I am working through.  I haven’t practised any mindfulness either.

So what to do about all this?

I can’t change the fact that I am in a house with 4 other adults and 4 children at the moment but I can make the most of the extra I have help.  So whilst Eliot and Grace have gone to the swimming pool with my sister’s family, my mother is taking Monty for a walk and I am finally writing.  I sat for 10 minutes and meditated then came to my computer and wrote.  It is cathartic and helps so much to order my thoughts.

I’ve realised that I need this space and time to feel like myself.  It is how I re-energise.  I also need a home, somewhere I can go back to that is my own space. Eliot expressed the same thing to me within a few days of being here.  Grace, I’m sure, was telling me the same thing last night.  So whilst we don’t have that physical setting right now, we are going to have to find a way to make that space where ever we are.  After all, home is where the heart is and my heart is always with me…

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